My Worst Shower

Technically speaking, I should have called this post ‘My Only Bad Shower’ – as this is usually a nice experience for me. Before reading on, though, please note: if you are easily offended or do not appreciate toilet humour, this post is not for you. Please close your browser down. You’ve been warned!

So, those of you who followed my adventures last week are vaguely aware of my minor medical intervention. One of my fellow bloggers kindly appreciated how good it must feel to be well and bathed again. Which is totally true… only exception being the bathing business.

Thing is, I am not allowed to get my left leg get wet for a week. Could have been much worse, I know. God knows how people cope with breaking a leg, as a week seems long enough for me. Optimistically (not typical for me, being more of a pessimist than optimist) I thought I’d be fine. After all, autumn was well under way last week, so a simple wash could just about be fine. Not in England, though, famous for its unpredictable weather! Now that I know am not allowed to shower, summer has decided to come back. Which is when you, logically, want to have a nice shower. My typical luck.

My first reaction was to call my virtual council. That is, to ask my Facebook friends for advice. Or Google it. How do you shower without getting your leg wet? Hm. I am not that dumb. Come on, I can work it out myself. It can’t be rocket science, surely.

And, yet, it turns out to be!

Making sure my little monkeys were safely tucked in bed, I stocked up on a few bin bags to make sure they cover my leg in its long entirety. So far so good. Wrapping myself in black plastic looks interesting. Hmmm… Perhaps I should consider getting myself a pair of leather trousers! Narcissistic or what??

Making sure I sealed all gaps and stuck the bags to my body immaculately, I was confident enough my leg was safe. As last thing I wanted was to get it wet. After all, it is covered in cotton padding, then bandaged firmly, and on top of that I have a libido-reducing, jaw-dropping stocking. Get this wet, and you’ll have a hell of a job drying it!

All set to hit the shower. In the bath I went, drew the curtain… Only to hear someone entering the bathroom. Boo. As a normal parent, I don’t bother keeping the door locked – in case of emergencies.

What a mistake. Someone didn’t quite make it to the toilet. While trying to balance my wrapped leg, making sure I still had all gaps covered with overlapping plastic, I was desperately watching the puddle on the floor getting bigger… And why did my slippers have to be right there, in the middle of the disaster?

Yup. All I could do was watch – helplessly – as my priority was not to get my poor leg wet. Which I did, actually. Somewhere in the middle of tackling that, otherwise funny, emergency, I must have let some of the bags loose, so my leg did get wet.

Worst shower ever, hey. The rest of the story is boring stuff: cleaning up, drying my leg and worrying over any possible damage done.

Just to remember, whose fault was it… No one else’s but mine.

So, remember: lock your bathrooms. Unless you want your slippers being peed on!

bathroom break

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