There was this guy at the gym today with an upper body made of steel, quietly finishing off his workout in the stretch area, doing hand stands as if that’s a piece of cake, and some pretty advanced stretches, too. Then there was me, not feeling intimidated at all, with my cat/cows and thread the needle! Secretly feeling desperate in the knowing I will probably never manage a hand stand. Not in this lifetime anyway.

I minded my own business. So did he. At the end, I couldn’t help it and went up to him to give him a little praise. Not that someone with a body and fitness abilities like his’ needs it, surely.

That’s the thing. We presume. Guys with tonnes of muscles must have tonnes of self-esteem. Right?

What do you see behind the strong body? Someone confident and happy with themselves? Someone patronising and unapproachable? Or someone just as down-to-earth and kind as you?

Would you think they may actually be someone shy or vulnerable though? Could muscles also be a mask – just as good as makeup or a nice outfit? Can you judge a character by what they have chosen to do with their body? Sure not. Stereotypes are there to be broken.

So here is what happened; what triggered all these thoughts. I am not one to chat men up but somehow they tend to open up to me. I was recently told I should consider a career in counseling, as I have this gift. A tall woman of many talents, eh? No wonder that’s the title of my book.

As for talking to guys, I guess they feel safe with me, as, surely, a woman as tall as me can’t be hitting on them. I contemplate a bit about that in the book, too, actually: about short men and guys at the gym being more of a nuisance in my life (sorry, guys, just my own life experience, nothing personal!)… but also about the fact I tend to make some awesome male friends.

So, back to this young man. My intention was to give him a quick praise and walk away, so neither of us would feel awkward. My timing was far from perfect, as he was in a fairly awkward position (one I must admit I can’t muster) and I didn’t want to interrupt him, but I really needed to go. So I said what was meant to be a quick passing comment: “I hope you don’t mind me saying that… but your hand stands are pretty impressive!”

What happened I didn’t expect. He actually got his head up from his deep sitting straddle splits and had a proper conversation with me. Not from the position of self-importance or being superior. His eyes lit up from the compliment and he explained it took him a long time to get there. I did wonder if I could ask him that. So he told me all about it. Pretty shyly in a way, and not at all in a bragging manner.

That got me thinking. What could be behind the muscles? Same as what’s behind my height: a journey. Not everyone was born loving their body… and everyone exercises for their own reasons. Mine is to get old as healthily and gracefully as I can. But that’s another long story for another blog post. Or another book, even.

So I guess my bottom line here is… don’t stereotype. Just because someone looks fit or posts what looks like confident pictures of themselves, that doesn’t mean this is how they feel. It may be a mask. Or not.

Penny for your thoughts, too?