Angelina Pelova (AKA Angie K)

When Kids Start Outgrowing Their Tall Parents

I have always suffered low self-esteem because of my height. No point in denying it. It has taken me all the 47 years of my life (there, I even admit my true age) to realise that it is my mindset that has always been the problem more than my actual height. Now I can proudly say: tall is beautiful, and so am I. Just.

No, whom am I kidding, I only say it *in theory* but don’t really believe it for myself.

What happens when kids start outgrowing you though – which I, somehow, never imagined happening? Should I transfer my miserable perception of how it is not so good to be tall to my kids, or keep it to myself?

If you are anything like me, self-conscious of being a tall freak, let’s work on this together, perhaps this will make it easier? It is not our kids’ fault they are so tall; it is our responsibility, after all. And it is up to us to raise them as beautiful tall persons confident in their looks.

There was no better eye opener for me than hearing my daughter’s reaction to what has been the story of my life: being the tallest girl, like, ever.

“Oh mum, apparently I am the tallest one in our class!”, she exclaimed one evening.

I froze, realising it was perhaps time for that talk: how difficult it is to be a tall girl, but she has to own her height and be proud of it. I, half-mouthed, started mumbling that yes, she probably was, and I had always been the tallest in the whole school, and university, and work… Then I asked her to tell me what happened.

“I like being tall!”, she exclaimed. I gazed at her, speechless. She continued: “I am tall for the right reason! I can reach things that other children can’t!”

This is the attitude it has taken me 47 freaking years to come to! My girl is something else. She is not me. And it is more than ever important not to let her know about my own body hang ups. Yes, it is great to be tall! Nothing we can do about it, so we may as well accept who we are and be happy.

My new resolutions from now on:

  • Admire my tall and beautiful kids, and make sure they know that.
  • Be proud of them, and make sure they know that.
  • Remember to remind them they are beautiful as they are. Note to self: this doesn’t mean I should stop teaching them to be healthy!
  • Try to limit my fear of them becoming giants I cannot find clothes and shoes for! It is much better now than it was when I was growing up as a tall teen. Even with Long Tall Sally gone (sort of), there is still plenty of choice on the World Wide Web. In all fairness, there is much more choice for them than me, as gone are the days when I could afford showing my midriff under cropped tops, or wear mini skirts and shorts. My kids, on the other hand, can pull anything off: fashion is made with their generation in mind (mostly).
  • Relax and enjoy the ride!
  • If any of these are hard at any point: have a glass of wine, or two. Then go back to resolution number one, and start again.

15 comments

  1. Great post! Yes, I had hang ups too and I’m only 6’ tall and been close to full height since around 12 or 13 years old. When you’re the kind of kid that doesn’t want to stand out it’s tough! I came to terms with my height maybe in my 30’s or so? (Slightly older than you now). And yes…. so much easier to buy clothing these days!!

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    • Thank you for your supporting comment! Yes, this is a very sore topic for me and I felt it would be good to write a brief post about it. I have elaborated a lot on our tall struggles in a book which I recently finished. I will be looking to publish it, so fingers crossed, as many of us need this kind of book to make the world look at us with different eyes…

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  2. A great post, resembles my experience. I have three children/young adults, all in the 6′ range, I was so relieved when my two daughters finished up shorter than me, one by an inch the second by two. My parents, although both quite tall, dad 6′ 1 and mum 5′ 9″ had little idea what it meant for me as their 6′ 3″ daughter to be the subject of comedy and my struggles to find clothing and shoes that would fit and leave me feeling equal in some way to my shorter counterparts. Living in the South West of England, pre-internet, shopping was miserable, although thank god for mini-skirt days, although my dad thought mens size 11 shoes would fit my needs, while I defiantly forced my feet in cripplingly too small more feminine stuff.
    Not so today, thankfully there is choice and the sports wear and trainers trend has helped my offspring immensely. I felt very affronted by the looks and comments that I heard in response to my children’s stature, from the usual sources, best not to have me there and actually they seem to manage it very well, or seemingly, much as I did.
    I hope they don’t feel the excruciating pain that i felt based on what they see visually. I might have looked like it didn’t affect me, but it stabbed at my heart and reduced me most of the time.

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    • Thank you for such a thorough comment! It sounds like your experience is very similar to mine! I grew up in communist and post communist Bulgaria where there were no clothes and shoes for my size at all, and pre Internet as well. I have written a book about a tall girl’s life journey that I will be looking to publish. I am certain that many women like us will see themselves in it. Wish me much in finding an agent and publisher, as the world needs to hear our voice!

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  3. As the family “runt” at 6’2″ and now age 51, I was blessed to be born into a gentle and yet confident family. My maternal grandfather was 7’1″ (with red hair!), uncles 6’10”, younger brother is 6’7″ and both younger sisters are 6’4″ – and the most important thing you can do for your kids IMO is to instill in them the value and beauty of being just a bit longer than the majority of the other humans in this world. Stand up straight, smile, and lift your eyes – practice! We all have different gifts and this just happens to be one of ours. Believing in yourself is such an empowering and beautiful thing… you are supposed to be here, so OWN IT!

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  4. I saw you for the first time as a student in Colchester, England in postgraduate office to get some documents. When you came to the desk, as a 5’2” guy, I had to look up a lot to talk with you. You even bent down 90 degrees to make me feel neck and neck. Anyway, we both did not feel any low esteem. Nice to see that you are still active on the web after almost 9 years. All the best.

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    • Oh wow, it is great to hear you follow my blog! I am seriously impressed you still remember me! Actually, would you believe it, it has been even longer than you think. I have been in Oxford now for five years, before that seven years at PG Admissions at Essex, so I must have been in Lang & Ling 12-14 years ago! It is so reassuring to know you felt comfortable talking to me despite the height difference, I must be doing something right. 🙂 Take care!

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      • Glad to see you recently published your book. Congrats. I do not know whether such a topic relates to me but I am interested in reading it. Though I think being tall is not a reason for failure or lack of confidence. On the contrary, tall and very tall people may hear a lot of positive comments and reactions on their daily life, in particular, when they have down-to-earth character. No doubt, you are one of them. In second edition of your book, you may illustrate that some shorter people are attracted to much taller people and some tips about such relationships. All the best.

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      • Glad to see you recently published your book. Congrats. I do not know whether such a topic is related to me but I am interested in reading it. Though I think being a very tall person is not a reason for failure or lack of respect. On the contrary, tall and very tall people may receive positive comments and reactions in their daily life, in particular, when they have down-to-earth character. In second edition of your book, you may include that some shorter people are attracted to much taller people and some tips for such relationships. All the best.

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      • Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Yes, times have moved on a lot and nowadays attitude towards tall people, women more specifically, are a lot more positive than my experience has been. The book is actually a beautiful life affirmation and a positive journey, so if you decide to read it I hope you will appreciate it. Most of my readers so far are actually short and they all seem to love it which makes me think I did my job as an author well. Thank you for your kind words and all the best to you, too!

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  5. I understand your reaction and concern to hear “I’m the tallest in the class.” I was born in Iran, at 12 I was 6’1″ tall, I was excluded by all my classmates, they saw me as different, a giant alien, even my teacher, a poisonous little man, he couldn’t tolerate the fact that a kid was much taller than him, he always addressed me with an arrogant tone and forced me to sit when I spoke to him, (perhaps he had “Napoleon’s complex”) I felt like being tall was my fault, I accepted his abuses because of my insecurity, if you could meet him today, I would like to teach him a good lesson 🙂
    I have now been living in Europe for a few years, I have reached full acceptance of my height (6’7″), and I am proud of it , and I want to instill the same confidence in my daughter. I faced situation like yours, in September ’22 my daughter was 6 years old that time, on the first day of school when I saw my daughter with her classmates , observing their confused looks, staring at her, some of them were almost intimidated by her physicality (she is plump like her mom!!)
    I froze, with her height of 4′ 9″, she towered over everyone, the smallest ones didn’t even reach her shoulder, I was afraid that she would be excluded, as happened to me, because she was too tall, too different. In the following weeks I investigated a bit to understand how she was with her classmates, but I couldn’t understand for sure….then at a party I saw her interact with her classmates and I was very surprised and relieved, I saw her at ease and her classmates considered her a little as their leader, she seems to enjoy this role, so much so that sometimes when I talk to her about school, she calls her classmates “the kids”…it seems as if she feels older than them…. Maybe I’m giving her too much self-confidence!!
    Now she is 7 and close to 5’…sometimes I see how she acts with her peers even with who is 2 or 3 years older than her, especially those smaller than her, she tends to impose herself on them, on a couple of occasions I heard her berate her peers with a teacher’s tone, and I didn’t like that, I also know where it comes from
    I don’t know if this also happened to your daughter too, but I see her teachers tend to make her more responsible than her peers, thinking (I suppose) her height is a sign of maturity, but this is not the case, she is still a kid of 7 in the body of a 10 year old…

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and I am so sorry to hear about it! My daughter is lucky not to have experienced bullying on basis of her height (yet), but there are so many other people, like me, who have suffered this all their lives. Sounds like you will probably relate to my book which is dedicated to our tall struggles. Have a look at that too. 🙂

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      • I’m happy that your daughter isn’t being bullied too, I think compared to the past, nowadays young girls are more determined than us and perhaps even current society is more willing to accept who is different, in a way I envy my daughter for how confident she is , I’m sure that in the following years she will always be able to command respect, and I think for your daughter will be the same! I saw, you wrote a book about being tall..

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